San Francisco viewed from Alameda on a cloudy day

So, I have Fibromyalgia.  I’ve known this for about four or five years.  It’s not a happy situation.  I hurt a lot and have no energy.  I quit my job because of it–well, that’s the short version.  The long version…well, let’s just say I am not the teacher, or woman, I once was, and leave it at that.  Also, California Public Schools are not what they were when I started.  Stop there.  Don’t do the long version.

I have been researching non-stop about Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue recently.  All I’m left with are questions.

Is it caused by too many nerve endings as suggested by this study? 

Is it mercury poisoning from my mouth full of silver amalgam fillings as suggested by Dr. Mark Hyman in this article?

Is it subclinical, undiagnosed hypothyroidism as suggested by numerous books and articles–the work of Dr. David Brownstein and Dr. John Lowe?

Oh gosh.  Inside, I fear and maybe believe that it’s just residual crappola from my crappy childhood.  Holding all of that stuff inside for so long–despite all of my efforts in therapy, my body still hangs onto it?

I’ve looked at so many books and websites and emailed my Primary Care Physician and my Endocrinologist at Kaiser, to no avail.  All of the suggested causes and cures are too alternative for Kaiser.  And I’m not sure I want to shell out the money for a naturopath or somebody like that when I’m living on savings and not sure I have the energy to go back to full time work without a solution…but where does that leave me?  Conundrum city.  Like this picture of beautiful San Francisco from the east side of the bay…so pretty, but so many clouds.  Not clear at all.

Okay, time to do something fun.  I think I’ll watch something on t.v. about zombies and vampires.  Trouble that is not real.  Trouble that is a metaphorical reflection of our society, but still, not really real.  I have to stop obsessing about my health because I’m sure it just makes it worse.  Obsessing is the real living death, the real blood-sucker.

So here’s my protocol:  Eat real food, not a lot; exercise a little every day; meditate and pray.  Focus more on what’s right than what’s wrong.  Don’t get stuck in the false dichotomy of alternative medicine versus corporate medicine.