Midlife Makeover!!

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Remember being a pre-teen and feeling like “if I could just get one of those makeovers like in the magazines, I’d get…” or “I’d be….” Usually the answers involved popularity, boyfriends, etc.  No, you don’t remember? I do.  (Above, that’s really Heidi Klum in costume, not me after my middle-age makeover.)

Well, if you’ve read more than five posts here, I’m sure you know I have Fibromyalgia and I ended my 20 year teaching career about a year and something ago because of it, and I’m needing to reinvent myself. It’s not that I want boyfriends or popularity. I’m married and have a blog that gets at least three hits a day. What I want is health, confidence, happyishness (which is a term I’ve copyrighted, so I hope if it takes off and gets popular, it will make me popular too–oh, contradiction!). When I say “happyishness,” I mean tending toward happiness without being weirdly fake or Polyanna. Happy and with a range of emotions that show I’m really alive.

So I was thinking a few weeks ago that my confidence is just not where it’s supposed to be. At my age, I don’t really believe in my self doubts. How weird is that. I know that when a person identifies with a certain role for many years, and then stops, but doesn’t have anything to take it’s place (except maybe the role of “sick person,” ugh), they may get a little blah.  It’s not really real though (in the big scheme of things). So I decided that I needed to cheer myself up and buying new clothes wasn’t going to work, I needed to lose some weight so those new clothes would look good. I didn’t want to be a Cathy cartoon. bathing suit dressing room cartoon

I had recently stopped smoking, YAY! and felt confident that I could make another healthy achievement.  My sister-in-law recently lost 30 pounds through exercise and portion control, which was inspiring, but I knew I couldn’t exercise that much with my fibro.

Enter Whole30. I had been looking at it for a while. I am really hesitant to follow things that have lots of ads and lots of people on the internet going “wow! wow!” But I researched it. It’s free, well, I bought the Kindle book for around ten bucks.

I knew that Paleo had helped some people with Chronic Fatigue and Fibro, and I had wondered if it could help me. Maybe I could lose weight and heal.  I had been off wheat for about three years, but the other “healthy whole grains” like oatmeal and rice were still in my diet. I read recently that Robert Downy Jr. said of quitting drugs, something like, “It wasn’t hard after I really committed.” I knew this was true for me with smoking. So I committed. It’s only 30 days. Today is day 12. I have more energy. I still hurt. Osteoarthritis, IBS, but I’m figuring it all out. I’m happyish. (BTW, if you haven’t read my post about Methylfolate and Methyl B12 and how much it helped me, read it here.)

I’m totally committed and have been cooking really great food. Its a great cooking challenge. More to come about my food and my Whole30.  Be well.

P.S. In your comments, please refrain from advice-giving or judgments. Stick to your own experience. “For me…” is a lot more helpful than “You should….”

P.P.S. I know some people think Paleo and Low Carb are bad.  If you’re one of them, I know you’re out there, you don’t need to tell me and throw cold water on my enthusiastic experiment :-).

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Epiphany

I just had an epiphany coming out of the hopelessly crowded Safeway. Dum da da dum: I’m allowed to be old and worn out and have a fat tummy. It’s fine. It’s allowed, allowable. Made me want to sink down on the pavement and cry from relief.

Fuck the Pinterest platitudes. Fuck chin up. Live life, yes, this mysterious, unpredictable, imperfect, inexplicable, mysterious, miracle. Live it with its sore feet, wrinkles, fat, discomfort, cruelty, funny stories, babies, puppies, half-finished chores, and Safeway parking lot epiphanies.

And here’s my dog because It’s also allowable if my photo doesn’t fit my theme, but he does look tired and in complete acceptance of that fact, no?

IMG_3902PS:  Check out the Mondaymadness link-up party at howtogetorganizedathome.com

What is Depression?

IMG_4795Depression is so hard to understand.  Why does it happen?  What’s the purpose, the reason that people get depressed? It seems that nature always has her reasons, but with depression, the reasons are mysterious.  I have no conclusions, but here are two interesting quotes and a graph I’ve been thinking about:

Depression is a response that lessens further stress or trauma by shutting down, allowing time to process what has already occurred.

–Bruce Campbell, one of my Chronic Fatigue/Fibromyalgia gurus, Moving Beyond Loss 

 

Perhaps what we call depression isn’t really a disorder at all but, like physical pain, an alarm of sorts, alerting us that something is undoubtedly wrong; that perhaps it is time to stop, take a time-out, take as long as it takes, and attend to the unaddressed business of filling our souls.

Lee Stringer, quoted in an article on Brainpickings.org

 

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from Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute http://www.traumahealing.org/about-se.php

 

In your comments, please refrain from advice-giving or judgments. Stick to your own experience. “For me…” is a lot more helpful than “You should….”