Tag Archives: books

complicated maya world

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So reading, which is my escape, my way of going on a mental vacation, is not always as mindless as part of me would hope.  I’m reading The Godfather of Kathmandu by John Burdett, a murder mystery set in Thailand and Nepal, about Sonchai Jitpleecheep, a Thai  policeman.  I won’t tell you all about it because it could be a spoiler if you haven’t read the earlier books in the series.  Anyway, as we know, we can escape, but we can’t really escape…

“And the whole agony of the thing seems bound up with Tietsin’s blade wheel; I have never had to get to know myself so well before.  The consequence is like waking in a shallow grave and having to shake off the clay before you can start work (188)”.

Tietsin is the hero’s guru, but also a drug dealer and Tibetan freedom fighter (and I thought my life was complicated)!

So what is Tietsin’s blade wheel for me?  The image that will cut through all of the mental traffic and make things clear to me?  I find it interesting that the truth comes from the complicated maya world here…as I’m sure it will for me, when I figure it out.  I’ll keep you posted.  And read the books.  Fun and illuminating!

being, growing, changing

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Paris Street Art

It’s not easy for me to look at my stuff–the way I confuse myself by denying some part of what I feel–my fear mostly–and I start to blame someone or something else, or look for an escape route.  When really I have to just own that change is scary. As much as I tell myself it will be easier, there’s a part of me who is inside screaming, “No it won’t!  It’s always sucked.  It will always suck.” And on and on with feelings that don’t have words.  Feelings that are both true (in that they’re a response to something from long ago) and false (in that they aren’t really about what’s happening now).

But then I recover, and remember that I’m just growing and changing as all things do.  I wonder if the flower bud feels like, “oh, I know it’s just never going to happen.” And then I see the ridiculousness of my thinking and can almost laugh at it.