integrating the past

Imagine the old Jazz standard “My Old Flame” but the words are changed to “My Old Bike.”

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDSUKQZbHEk

When I was twenty four, I got my first “Real Job.”  It was at a computer company. I hated it and stayed two years.  I didn’t know what I wanted, I didn’t seem to fit into this world, wanted to do something else but couldn’t get a job and was broke.  With my first or second paycheck, I bought this bike, a Diamond Back, for $450.  It was the most I’d ever paid for anything in my life (except airline tickets, tuition and books).  I loved this bike like you wouldn’t believe.  This bike carried me through Golden Gate Park on days of love, joy, hope, sorrow, sunshine and fog.  I would go to Sutro Heights Park with this bike, lug it up the steps to the top, and look out over the vast ocean from that vantage point above Ocean Beach.SUTRO_HEIGHTS (image courtesy of SF Examiner)

Seven years ago I abandoned this bike in the small town I now live in.  I had nowhere to store it to protect it from the weather, and it was so broken down I couldn’t fix it.

Today, I found it, seven block from where I left it.  No chain.  Probably still broken.  But mine.  Now I have a garage, and a husband who can fix bikes.  Today I am feeling better because of the integrative therapy I’ve been doing–welcoming and taking care of those parts of myself that I have neglected.  It’s so strange when physical reality parallels psychic reality.

This bike, for me, represents joy.  I think I may have found it again.  My turn to wake the sleeping lions.

One of the Lions at the gate to Sutro Heights Park (image courtesy of SF Gate)

Gratitude

Today I’m thankful for:

  1. Fabulous husband
  2. Books
  3. RrW
  4. Fabgirl
  5. balance
  6. fm online support group
  7. green things that grow
  8. flowers
  9. coffee
  10. my landlords
  11. S. –who showed me I can make new friends who really get me
  12. Children
  13. my job
  14. money
  15. doing nothing and getting better at it without effort
  16. effortlessness
  17. tiger balm
  18. words with friends
  19. socks
  20. pinterest
  21. you for reading this!

wasting time, earning health

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photo credit: fabgirl

Ok.  It has been a while.  I’ve been vacationing.  Here’s a photo of Lake Tahoe with fabulous fab girl.  we went a few weeks ago–it’s all a blur now.  It was wonderful.

I’ve just returned from Florida.

I am just now getting into wasting time.  Yesterday I looked at every pair of jeans at the salvation army.  I wasted time on facebook and responded to things from six months ago.  I don’t know what I’ve been doing.  I started low carbing/real fooding (which I already basically did).  I have been watching netflix and hulu.  kicking back basically.  not getting much of anything done.  I have a good tan now, which I guess is okay, just don’t tell any goths or dermatologists.

Sooo…wasting time.  I was so caught up in my own worries, and my teaching career, and what to do about it, that I couldn’t effectively waste time.  I couldn’t really relax.  I’d think, how do these people have the time to facebook or thrift shop?

So what is the health benefit of wasting time?  Okay, this is kind of too personal, but I know my health is returning–and I know because my *&^  drive has returned.  It’s the weirdest thing.  I guess I’m not as old and sick as I thought I was.  Hooray!