“Relaxing my Ass back on” to counter “Working my Ass off”
I come from a family where the number one belief was “you are only a good person if you are constantly hard working, you can get drunk sometimes, but then get up the next day and work.” And like someone said in my other group, that’s a good recipe for burnout. Which I have done. Burnout seems to have been my middle name for about 10 years. I look back and think…well, I don’t know what I think. Oh, brain fog.
Anyway, I’m trying to learn to listen to my body–I’m having a hard time not getting bored and feeling guilty staying home trying to stay within my energy envelope. I feel really angry about everything right now. I realize that my denial about what I really can do, am doing, did do (in terms of overworking)is so huge and breaking it down is the only way I will be able to figure out how to pace myself and make myself happier. I think I also use work like a drug to avoid my feelings–so I have feelings I don’t like, which I deny by throwing myself into work and then I deny that I’m overtaxing myself with work. Oh the circuitous routes of my mind!
I haven’t written a goal for a couple of weeks I don’t think (everything blending into everything else lately, weeks go by without me being aware). My new goal is to what? Chip away at my belief that I’m only worthy if I’m working my ass off? (funny, the older I get, the less ass I actually have!!LOL Talk about a self fulfilling prophesy!)
Okay, but seriously, how to chip away? well, I guess it’s just affirmations and self talk that counters the old belief.
What: repeat to myself “I am a good person even if I do nothing.”
When: as much as I can–especially when feeling lonely, bored, or guilty.
Thanks for reading.